Today is my 32nd birthday. The first thing I did when I woke up, really woke up so not counting letting the dog out at 5am, was reach for my BlackBerry and scroll through the social feed to see if SCOTUS rulings were posted. I happily discovered that DOMA was dead, and after reading some updates on that ruling, I hit refresh and new feeds showed that Prop 8 was out too. What a fabulous way to start the day, and even better way to mark this birthday.
My parents split before I got to kindergarten, so I moved between them and my grandparents quite a bit. The constant was love, not just for me, but the way they all taught me that if you love all, people love you back. Sure, this isn't exactly true, but it is a great mindset to instill in a child. Granted, I was also mostly in the south where racial discrimination still ran rampant.
My dad grew up moving around as an Air Force brat. He got to see places all over America and Europe. He fell in love with the free spirited hippy movement, dropped out of college and headed for the Bay Area. There he made friends and those friendships lasted until his passing. I knew many, including Uncle Peter, Cousin Manny, and Uncle Vince. I was 10 when I moved to Oakland to live with my dad. Shortly after I got there a gay bashing event occurred across the bay in San Francisco. When I asked why someone was picking on someone else just because he was gay, these straight men talked to me and told me how unfair life can be, but if you fight long enough and get others to help you or join in your cause, there's hope. That's when I learned about Harvey Milk. To be honest, at 10 I found it hard to understand how it's considered winning when you wound up killed. However, when Milk's actions came up in college, I understood better. It was truly and understandably a cause he dedicated his life to.
For my mom, love was a hard to handle emotional plane. She grew up in the Bay Area during the 50's and 60's. Her dad went through a wife every other year, or so it seemed. Her mom wasn't around and passed at an early age anyway. Friends became her family, and many were gay. The same held true for her, post-divorce in Alabama. The local hair dresser she became friends with was gay, still in the closet out of fear for his safety. Eventually he came out to his family. Low and behold his brother also came out. I think of them when I watch Sweet Home Alabama and Witherspoon's character drunkenly outs her friend. Everyone in the scene stops for a moment and then they react like it's no big deal and get back to what they were doing. I wish it was like that for all, but we're not quite there yet. Thankfully, SCOTUS just nudged us a bit closer.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Sunday, June 9, 2013
It's been a long time...
So it has apparently been some time since I blogged here. Blame Facebook ;) or the fact that my life is still totally affected by the loss of my father, even though the 2 year anniversary of his passing/my finding him is quickly approaching. 2013 started with a promise, followed by some scares.
The hybrid I bought suffered from failed brakes, and the local dealer (where ai bought the car) "repaired" the brakes. Less than a month later they failed,again, as I was driving west on Center. Figuring that since it was Friday after 5:00pm, I left the car off for about 15 minutes then turned it back on to drive home. Total clusterf*&$ as I headed over the Marion bridge and they failed. Fortunately, I was able to take a sharp right and get into the parking lot of the tent and awning shop. Got towed to the dealership...and a month later got my car back. Turns out my American part had to wait on parts from Japan. But since my brakes have functioned since then, I shouldn't complain too much.
Jumping back to 2012 for a moment, in May I was with a very close friend whe we found her husband on the floor. Of all things, it was also his birthday. Unfortunately he was gone, and his children went through similar things to what I went through the prior year when my father passed. I felt cursed for a moment, but then realized the one time you can totally count on me to remain calm and functional is when a crisis/tragedy occurs. From the guy that was killed in dad's parking spot to my grandfather's heart attack to finding people already gone, I can keep it together at that moment. It's later when I'm alone that I just let it all out, and usually feel better.
Summing up 2011 and 2012 losses, the thing that keeps me from totally drowning in sorrow is that both the men that passed were in health hell. They had suffered years of physical disabilities that affected their mental well being too. Letting go is hard, and I'm not sure that I completely have, but I am sure that I'm happy neither no longer suffer on a daily basis.
Total topic shift, and hopefully happier, work has been pretty much the same, though I am trying to figure out how to approach the upcoming bargaining session I will be involved in as my union president. Bummed that I missed out on this year's national union conference, in part because it's in Vegas and more so because I always pick up new information and at least one new friend. On the upside, I converted our union organizer to at least sometimes rooting for the Ducks. Considering he's from Riverside, I doubt I'll get him to be a Raider, but one at a time right?
I still date vicariously through my BFF, who really should write a book, then transform the book to a tv series (too many tales, even for a movie franchise). Her second military dude also turned out to suffer from PTSD. PTSD is a harsh disorder, and unless the person is properly treated and dealing, there really should be no dating. So out with him and in with the car sales dude. He presents well, but I worry that once her rose colored glasses clear up she will see how few of the items on her list he checks off. On that note, I do think it could go the other way and she could dump the list if he is the right guy. I just wonder because she puts a lot on the line, but often gives more than she gets, by a lot. We'll see. At least this one doesn't push my buttons by driving crazy or flipping through songs after 30 seconds.
The hybrid I bought suffered from failed brakes, and the local dealer (where ai bought the car) "repaired" the brakes. Less than a month later they failed,again, as I was driving west on Center. Figuring that since it was Friday after 5:00pm, I left the car off for about 15 minutes then turned it back on to drive home. Total clusterf*&$ as I headed over the Marion bridge and they failed. Fortunately, I was able to take a sharp right and get into the parking lot of the tent and awning shop. Got towed to the dealership...and a month later got my car back. Turns out my American part had to wait on parts from Japan. But since my brakes have functioned since then, I shouldn't complain too much.
Jumping back to 2012 for a moment, in May I was with a very close friend whe we found her husband on the floor. Of all things, it was also his birthday. Unfortunately he was gone, and his children went through similar things to what I went through the prior year when my father passed. I felt cursed for a moment, but then realized the one time you can totally count on me to remain calm and functional is when a crisis/tragedy occurs. From the guy that was killed in dad's parking spot to my grandfather's heart attack to finding people already gone, I can keep it together at that moment. It's later when I'm alone that I just let it all out, and usually feel better.
Summing up 2011 and 2012 losses, the thing that keeps me from totally drowning in sorrow is that both the men that passed were in health hell. They had suffered years of physical disabilities that affected their mental well being too. Letting go is hard, and I'm not sure that I completely have, but I am sure that I'm happy neither no longer suffer on a daily basis.
Total topic shift, and hopefully happier, work has been pretty much the same, though I am trying to figure out how to approach the upcoming bargaining session I will be involved in as my union president. Bummed that I missed out on this year's national union conference, in part because it's in Vegas and more so because I always pick up new information and at least one new friend. On the upside, I converted our union organizer to at least sometimes rooting for the Ducks. Considering he's from Riverside, I doubt I'll get him to be a Raider, but one at a time right?
I still date vicariously through my BFF, who really should write a book, then transform the book to a tv series (too many tales, even for a movie franchise). Her second military dude also turned out to suffer from PTSD. PTSD is a harsh disorder, and unless the person is properly treated and dealing, there really should be no dating. So out with him and in with the car sales dude. He presents well, but I worry that once her rose colored glasses clear up she will see how few of the items on her list he checks off. On that note, I do think it could go the other way and she could dump the list if he is the right guy. I just wonder because she puts a lot on the line, but often gives more than she gets, by a lot. We'll see. At least this one doesn't push my buttons by driving crazy or flipping through songs after 30 seconds.
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